The Kind of Men Not To Marry

Christian Men Spiritual Growth and Christian Living

10 Types of Women Christian Men Should Never Marry

By  Debbie McDaniel


Often in the quest towards marriage and finding “the one,” something happens. It’s easy to overlook things that may not seem that big of a deal while dating, but these things could be destructive patterns once married. But love doesn’t have to be blind. There’s no reason to settle for unhealthy or harmful relationships, simply to pursue being married.

We all have sin issues that we deal with on a daily basis. We’ve all made mistakes that we often wish we could do-over. We all need the grace and freedom that only Christ Himself can offer. But our marriages are healthier when we recognize red flags in our dating relationships, instead of choosing not to see problems at all.

God cares about the decisions we make. He cares about who we marry. And we can trust He will give guidance, and help us see some red flags to be aware of along the way.


 The Unbeliever
Be careful not to settle for less than what God would want for the spiritual health and care of your marriage. Marriage can be tough enough at times, add to that the pressure of opposing spiritual views, and you may be in big trouble when the normal stressors of life occur. If you hold vastly different beliefs now, don’t falsely assume you’ll get her to “turn around,” or change her ways later. It may happen, but it may not.

“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” 2 Cor. 6:14


2. The Abuser
Many times “abusers” are assumed to be men, but women struggle with this same trap too, and the man in her life may feel like it’s difficult to talk about the problem or find help. Men can often become the invisible victims of relationship abuse and find themselves dealing with deep levels of shame, guilt, and inadequacy.

Ps. 11:5 says, “The Lord examines the righteous, but the wicked and those who love violence, he hates.” This verse reminds us of how God feels about the heart which instigates violence. No one deserves to be abused. Ever. Move quickly away from the one who brings you physical, verbal, or deep emotional harm. You are not their saving grace. That is God’s work. Marriage must be built on deep love and respect, and abuse of any type has no place there.

3. The Controller, Manipulator
This person’s subtle, dangerous behavior can indicate big trouble ahead. What might be disguised as “I just care about you,” can really be a need for constant control or a heart of jealousy. She may dominate and strive to make decisions for you, especially in regards to whom you spend your time with. She might check up on you frequently, keep close tabs, or falsely accuse you of cheating on her. The one driven by control needs will have continual issues with whether she can “trust you.” Often, under her grasp, you may start to feel like you can hardly breathe. It’s suffocating. It’s supposed to be, that’s how you’re held tightly.

James 3:16 says, “For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.” And that is no place to start a marriage.


4. The Angry, Contentious Woman
If your partner can’t control her temper before you’re married, she most certainly won’t after you’re married. In most cases, her behavior will worsen. No matter what our personality type, it still doesn’t give us room to plow over anyone in our pathway with cruel words and rants. Take time to see how she responds in different scenarios, especially when under pressure.

Proverbs 25:24, “It is better to live in a corner of the roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman.” This is more than, “I’m just having a bad day.” An angry, quarrelsome disposition has a pattern of negativity, harsh words, and flaring tempers. The key is – does she realize it’s an area of weakness that she desires for God to change? If the answer is “no,” steer clear.


5. The Seducer
Behaviors established before marriage are not going to magically go away once you say, “I do.” Sexual sin can be a deep trap of the enemy and once ensnared in these destructive patterns, they are difficult to break. Yet the pain or mistakes of the past should hold no control over our present and future. God redeems, sets free, and desires to make us new.

Make the choice together to live by His standards in your relationship. The lies of the world say that sex before marriage is normal, no big deal. Yet it’s a huge deal. Don’t fall for the enemy’s lie. The heart of Christ seeks the best for the one they love, desiring to build up, protect, and encourage healthy, safe patterns.

In the story of Joseph in Genesis 39, we see Potiphar’s wife pursuing him with sexual advances day after day. It was relentless. But he did not fall. The Bible says, “he fled.” Wise man.


6. The Deceiver, Liar
Every marriage must be built on trust. Without this as a firm foundation, you’re in for trouble from the beginning. So what about those “little white lies” you started noticing along the way? In reality, there’s no such thing as little white lies. Any lie is meant to hide, deceive, or manipulate truth. There is no room for dishonesty in a healthy, loving relationship. It’s a dangerous trap and you will always be left wondering what she’s hiding.

In Judges 16, we read the story of Delilah, who plotted and tricked the strong man Samson, ultimately deceiving him. He was foolishly lured by her entices and fell into deep destruction because of it. Left to our own thoughts, we, like Samson, may miss the signal that there’s trouble ahead.


7. The Addict
This person needs freedom that can only come by admitting there’s a problem, seeking professional help and leaning on the strength that God can bring. Addiction to alcohol, drugs, pornography, or destructive habits will lead to deep troubles ahead. And though your relationship may seem to challenge her in the right direction, don’t be fooled that she’ll so quickly “give it all up for you,” without the aid and accountability of professional help.

You are not the one to set her free and your role is not to try to change their heart. Only God can do that. 1 Cor. 6:12 says, “All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything.”


8. The Narcissist, Diva
No matter how beautiful, talented, and charming she may seem, marriage is built on the word “together.” If the relationship before marriage seems to constantly be all about her, you may be in for some struggle ahead. The “Diva” generally refers to one who demands the center of attention and focus at the expense of others’ feelings. Humility, compassion, love, and respect are much more admirable characteristics than simply the externals. “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised” Prov. 31:30.

9. The Gold Digger/Big Spender
Secretive spending habits? More interested in your bank account or what you can buy her, than in you? Once married, these patterns can worsen when the stressors of family life and responsibilities mount high. Money problems and financial struggles are one of the main causes of divorce. Look for the red flags and decide up front if the two of you can agree on the big issues. “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs” 1 Tim. 6:10.



10. The One Who Won’t Leave the Nest
It’s difficult to live a future of becoming one flesh when either partner is still joined too tightly to their parents. Nothing wrong with having close, healthy relationships with our parents throughout life, until you allow it to consume your decision making or control your marriage. Parents are meant to offer protection to children, even adult children. But upon marriage, the spouse should be given that primary place of leadership and care, under God’s authority. Talk about healthy boundaries before you marry, don’t dismiss it as “no big deal.” You may find out later how big a deal it was. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” Gen. 2:24

What Should You Look For?
The healthiest marriages are not made up of two seemingly “perfect” people, but two forgiven people who have the capacity, by the grace of God, to keep offering forgiveness to one another.

God’s Word gives guidance for marriage and offers plenty of examples for wise living. It really comes down to a choice. What do we believe about what He says, and will we look to Him for wisdom in relationships and in how we live our lives?

There’s a battle over marriages today, and the enemy would love nothing more than to destroy yours before it’s hardly even begun, or to entice you into a harmful one. Don’t let Him win. Search God’s Word for what He has to say. His are the words that matter most.

Debbie McDaniel is a writer, pastor's wife, mom to three amazing kids (and a lot of pets). Join her each morning on Fresh Day Ahead's Facebook page.

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The Powers of Praise

There is no doubt that praise is vital in human lives. Praising God has several usefulness. They include but are not limited to the following:

1. PRAISE GIVES US ACCESS TO GOD.
Psalm 100:4 says, “Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise”. This verse refers to Moses’ Tabernacle in the wilderness. The Tabernacle was divided into three parts. The Outer Court, The Inner Court, and The Holy of Holies where God dwelled.
There was only one gate - one entrance - into The Outer Court. If you wanted to approach God, you had to go through the gate, into the courtyard, and finally into The Holy of Holies.

(In the days of Moses, only the High Priest could enter into The Holy of Holies. It was not accessible to everyone. However, when our Great High Priest died (Hebrews 4:14-16), the veil to The Holy of Holies was torn allowing US access to God. Hallelujah!)
The gate you come through to approach God is thanksgiving and the court you enter is praise. Psalm 100:4 should be so much more meaningful in light of its historical context.
It pains me to see people skip the praise and worship portion of a service. Worse yet, I’ve led worship in conferences where the Pastor or visiting speaker would skip out on worship, and show up at the very end just in time to speak.
Praise and worship is not the opening act to the Pastor's message! Praise softens the soil of your heart so the seeds of the message can be planted.
To have direct access to God, it is essential to come through praise.
Make It Personal.
How can you incorporate praise into your every day life giving you access to God? You can turn on praise music while you clean the house, while you are in the car, while you are cooking in the kitchen, while you are sitting by the pool.
You can praise Him before your prayer or Bible Study time. You can sing to Him before you pray. You can praise Him before you open your Bible. You can turn on praise music as you are driving to church. Till up the soil of your heart with praise, and then allow God to plant His words into fresh soil.
2. PRAISE CHANGES YOU.

Praise changes relationships. It changes hearts. It changes mindsets. In praise, our focus shifts from us to the Lord. From problems to The Solution. From pain to promise. From hurt to hope.
Proverbs 27:21 says, “As the fining pot for silver, and the furnace for gold; so is a man to his praise.” Judson Cornwall says it this way in Let Us Praise. "So often, when we have heated our Spirits in worship . . . thoughts, desires, and attitudes rise to the surface.”
As we are broken and heated in the presence of the Lord, those negative attitudes rise to the surface of our hearts. We are then able to bring them to Jesus to be forgiven and cleansed.
I often visit Colonial Williamsburg. It is one of my favorite vacation spots. Steven’s favorite trade shop is the silversmith. On our last visit, we watched the tradesman pour the melted silver into molds. I couldn’t help but notice the silver before and after the fires touch. Before it hits the fire, the silver is rugged. It is hard. It is jagged. Once the fire begins the work of melting away the jagged pieces, the silver becomes pliable and smooth. You can almost see yourself in the melted silver. The silver becomes like a mirror. Only then is it able to be molded.
In the fires of praise, God reaches out and melts down our jagged edges until we become smooth and pliable in His hands. Only then can we be molded into His image. We become so smooth and clear that when others look at us - when we look at ourselves, we see a mirror reflecting the image of Jesus.
Make It Personal.
Do you feel like you are always being heated? Your jagged edges are constantly being worked on? Every worship service turns into tears at the altar?
That is okay, my friend. Be patient. God is working to purify you into His image. Let Him do His work. Let go of everything you are holding onto that doesn’t look like Him. Remember, you are growing, you are changing, you are being molded! Keep praising until the work is done!
3. PRAISE IS A RELATIONSHIP. IT IS NOT A RITUAL.
Psalm 81:10 says, “I am the Lord, YOUR God . . .”. Isn’t it wonderful to know that He is ours and we are His? Praise brings us into a closer relationship with Jesus.
I love Exodus 25:8. God tells Moses to build a sanctuary that “I may dwell among them”. He didn’t want a cathedral shining with jewels to show His awesomeness. He didn’t ask for massive monuments or statues made of gold.
God asked for a simple tent. It wasn’t about the structure. It was about the relationship. He wanted a tabernacle just so He could be with us. That brings such tears to my eyes. The God of all of the earth could be anywhere, could have anything, could do anything, and yet He chooses to be with you, dear friend.
I’ve been in the most beautifully structured churches. They are gorgeous to look at, but the Spirit of the Lord is no where to be found. I’ve sat in simple living rooms with a handful of saints, and the presence of God is so strong it is tangible.

God doesn't want anything to dwell in but us. He wants relationship with us. That relationship comes through praise.
The problem comes in when ritual takes the place of pure praise. A.W. Tozer said, “Worship is no longer worship when it reflects the culture around us more than the Christ within us.” In 1962, Tozer grieved, “It is scarcely possible in most places to get anyone to attend a meeting where the only attraction was God.”
Oh Lord, forgive us.
How true are Tozer’s words fifty-five years later. On one hand, you have modern “praise and worship” movements that at a quick glance looks more like a rock concert than a worship service. We “praise” the singers of the songs more than The One we are singing about. Lasers, fog machines, and video displays have taken the place of a humble altar and even humbler hearts.
Now understand me, there always must be balance. I love The Theatrical Arts! I own my own theater! But when churches alter their worship services to “fit in” with the culture of the day, it ceases to become worship. When our praise and worship becomes ritualistic in how it is displayed, it becomes less and less about relationship with The Father.
On the absolute other hand, you have “religion” which has dictated why, where, and how we should worship including a list of do’s and don’ts. Most churches strictly abide by a “three fast songs, two slow songs” pattern that leaves no room for God to move. There is no relationship, just man-made religion.
Can God move in the lasers, fog machines, and electric guitars? Of course. Can God move in the rituals of our worship? Of course, He can do whatever He wants to do. He is God. I am not arguing how you should praise. I am stating that if your cultural rituals replace relationship, it no longer becomes praise.  True praise doesn’t come from modern culture or a rigid religious system. True praise comes from relationship with Jesus.
He inhabits the praises of His people. (Psalm 22:3). He dwells in, lives in, and abides in our praise. My dear friends, He just wants a relationship with you.
Make It Personal.
Any relationship needs communication. Our relationship with Christ needs communication. Talk to Him, my friend. Don’t utter a laundry list of “I need and I want”. Instead, like you would to your spouse, children, or best friend . . . tell Him through your praise how wonderful He is. Tell Him that you thank Him for saving you. Tell the Lord that He is worthy. Then, give Him a chance to talk back to you!
4. PRAISE DEFEATS THE ENEMY.
The first mention of praise in the Bible is at the birth of Jacob’s son, Judah, in Genesis 29:35. Judah means praise. No matter where you see the name Judah in the Bible, it always means praise.
Revelation 5:5 tells us that our Lord Jesus, The Lion of the Tribe of Praise (Judah) has overcome! So many of us walk around in fear of the enemy. Whether it is “the devil” you fear, your own thoughts, or your next door neighbor, we often walk around fearing our enemy and what he/she could do to us.

I don’t often speak about the devil at The Felicity Bee. Why give him platform? I also believe he has no power except what we give him.
Non-priases often worry about their enemy who walks around AS a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour. (1 Peter 5:8). As I mentioned in THIS article, the enemy walks AS a roaring lion. He is an imposter. He has no power.
Praisers know that their Lion of the Tribe of Judah is the real thing and He has already overcome every single enemy that may come in their path.
In the historical books of the Bible, Judah is always performing. He is always moving. (Judson Cornwall, LET US PRAISE) In Judges 1:1-2 we read, “Now after the death of Joshua it came to pass, that the children of Israel asked the LORD, saying, Who shall go up for us against the Canaanites first, to fight against them? And the LORD said, Judah shall go up: behold, I have delivered the land into his hand.” God told PRAISE to go in first to the enemy. Praise entered the battle first.
In 2 Chronicles 20:21, King Jehoshaphat “appointed singers unto the Lord, that should praise the beauty of holiness, as they went out before the army, and to say, Praise the Lord; for his mercy endureth for ever.”  The choir and the orchestra went ahead of the warriors! It worked. The enemies were defeated and Judah never even had to take out their swords!
How many battles do we needlessly fight; drawing our swords of worry, our shields of fear, and our words of war? What would happen if we simply trusted that the Lion of the Tribe of Judah has already won the battle?
What would happen in our lives if we put away our warring words, and lifted our voices in praise?
Judson Cornwall said, “Saints who would learn to do battle for the Lord should first learn how to praise, for God sends praise as the shock troops to drive the enemy back before the rest of the army is allowed to join the battle.” (Let us Praise, pg. 44-45)
Make It Personal.
Dear Friend, what are you battling today? Fear? An unsaved spouse? A co-worker? Your kids? Your weight? Your self-defeating thoughts?
Try this, instead of battling in your own power, put on an amazing praise song and start singing! Sing over your situation. Sing over your spouse, your kids, your fear, and your thoughts! Rejoice over your life, and lift up an encouraging praise.
PRAISE DEFEATS THE ENEMY.
We could write a hundred more pages about the truths of the power of praise, but these four offer us a start into why praise should be a part of our everyday life. Praise gives us access to God. It changes us from the inside out causing us to be a reflection of our father. Praise is about relationship with our creator, and not just ritual. Praise defeats our enemies and brings us closer to God’s will for our lives.
LIFT UP A MIGHTY PRAISE TODAY! LIFT UP A SHOUT OF JOY! GOD LIVES IN YOUR PRAISE, DEAR FRIEND. LET HIM LIVE IN YOU BY OFFERING HIM ALL YOUR PRAISE.

Victims of Passion Episode 2

While Janet was thinking about her relationship with Emma, her sister, Helen too was ruminating over her past relationship with Richard. Helen had already started dreaming of settling down with him. Richard was a consultant in pediatrics. He had looked so promising, but an automobile accident had put an end to any further dream of him.
   There was a gentle rap at the door and Helen was brought back from her reverie.
   'Yes, who is it?' She sat up and looked towards the door.
   'It's me, Zizi.'  Zizi was the fat and lively housemaid.
   'Come in.'
   The latter gently opened the door and stepped inside.
    Zizi grinned at her. 'Sorry to disturb you, but that your friend, sister Abi is around to see you.'
   'Where's she right now?'
   'She's in the sitting room downstairs, ma'am.'
   'Please tell her to come up.'
   Abi was Helen's good friend. They were the same age, but Abi had successfully settled down. About four months ago, Abi was joined in wedlock in a very lavish ceremony. Helen had been her best lady and had promised that her own wedding would be grander than Abi's own.
   Abi knocked at the door and without waiting for an answer came in.
   'I should have been here since yesterday.' There was apology over Abi's face. 'I'm sorry I couldn't make it. I'm so sorry to hear the news. What did you say happen to him?'
   Helen told her.
   Abi shook her head in sympathy. 'My condolence. Please, take heart.'
   'Thank you.'
   She sat next to her friend on the bed and sighed. 'I've been thinking about the incident since yesterday. Helen, don't you think this thing is not ordinary?'
   Helen appeared to think over it. 'I don't understand what you mean.'
   Abi moved closer to her friend.
   'Listen carefully. This is your second fiancé to die within a period of two years. If I could recollect, you would've done your wedding before mine. Your first fiancé fell ill and died before the engagement could come up. Now, this has happened again. Don't you think something is wrong somewhere?'
   Helen had a far-away look. 'So, what d'you think is wrong?'
   'I think it has to do with something spiritual. This kind of thing doesn't happen ordinarily. There's something mysterious about the whole thing.'
   Helen appeared thoughtful. 'What can I do now?'
   Abi's voice dropped to the level of a whisper. 'There's a baba I know. He is very powerful. Once you agree and I take you there, the mystery will be unraveled.'
   Helen looked defiant. 'But, I don't believe in such things. I've never gone to such people before.'
   'O.k. I didn't know you prefer that this mysterious occurrence should continue. No problem. Have your way as you wish.'
    Helen could sense the impending indifference. 'No, Abi, don't talk like that. I know you're trying to help. But this thing you're suggesting sounds ...it sounds strange and... and...'
   'Strange or not strange, this man I'm talking about will unravel the whole thing.'
   Helen was in thoughts for some moments again. 'Alright.' She shrugged. 'Let me think over it. In a few days’ time, I'll let you know my decision.'
   "I'll suggest that you act fast. The longer you delay, the more the problem deals with you. Remember that delay is dangerous.'
   Helen nodded. 'I agree that indeed delay is dangerous. Thank you, my friend for the timely advice.'

Laji flipped from one channel to another. He loved music and entertainment and would spend hours watching one station or the other. It was a summer afternoon, his best weather since he came to live in the U.S.
  His flat in Indianapolis was a moderate but cozy one. Laji, alias L.A, liked it like that. Laji was the first and only son of Leke LaVos, the business mogul from Nigeria. His siblings were Helen and Janet LaVos.
  At thirty-two, he had no plans about marrying and settling down. Some months back when his mother called him from Nigeria, she had asked him how far were his plans about having a better half. Laji had laughed it off as if it was the funniest question on earth.
   He had come to the States since he was nineteen. That meant he had spent about thirteen years there. Over those years, he had  acquired a Masters degree in Biotic Engineering from the State university. He worked for a computer firm and was quite doing well.
   L.A was a young man of the world. He was a sociable man that loved clubbing and engaging in many social activities. He had many friends and followers on the social media. This early evening, the only reason why he was still at home was because Monica, his Latino girlfriend had called that she was on her way to his flat.
   The door bell rang. Swiftly, Laji moved to it. Monica, the black-haired lady he was expecting was at the door.
   'Hello, sweetheart.' There was complete delight in him to see her.
   'Hello, honey.' She seemed very delighted too to be there.
   They kissed passionately like lovers who had not seen each other for a long time.
   'I'm so tired.' She yawned to show that she meant what she said.
   'Don't worry. I'll help you.'
   With that, he lifted her and took her straight to the bedroom.
   'We didn't finish yesterday's game.' There was a lustful grin on his face as he flopped her on the bed.
   'I know. Why the hurry? I'm gonna be here all night long.'
   'The earlier the game starts the better.' The lustful grin was still on his face.
   Before she could reply, his cell phone rang. It was a distant call from Nigeria.